I’M HAVING A MID-DAY CRISIS!!! / by Bo Gerard

I recently read an article: “13 SYMPTOMS THAT YOU ARE HAVING A “MIDLIFE CRISIS” and had an epiphany!  I realized that I have every one of those symptoms every single day.  And this has been going on for the last 40 years.

Being a contract performer and a small business owner, I am constantly going into new and challenging situations.  This has certainly kept me on my toes for the last 40 years, but it can take its toll in other ways.  I believe the reason I never experienced the typical “Mid Life Crisis” that many men have gone through, (divorce wife, buy sports car, find self) is that I have a midlife crisis every single day.  It’s my Midday Crisis.  Below is the list of SYMPTOMS from the article, with the corresponding time of day I experience each symptom.

LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR AND YOU NO LONGER RECOGNIZE YOURSELF.  6:15 am – when I pass my bathroom mirror and see my Father looking back at me.
DESIRING TO QUIT A GOOD JOB.  6:45am - as I head into my home office and realize the computer backup I was running failed.
WANTING TO RUN AWAY FROM EVERYTHING.  6:50am – when I look at my calendar and see “that gig I never should have booked” coming up in a few days.

A DESIRE TO GET INTO PHYSICAL SHAPE.  8am – as I head to the gym.  This desire dissipates before I actually reach the gym.
IRRITABILITY OR UNEXPECTED ANGER.  8:05am – as I try to find a parking spot at the gym.  God forbid I should walk a few extra steps on my way to the Stairmaster.
DESIRE FOR PHYSICAL, FREE FLOWING MOVEMENT.  8:08 – as I climb onto the mind-numbing Stairmaster, putting my brain into gerbil-mode.
EXPLORING NEW MUSICAL TASTES.  8:10am - as I stand on the Stairmaster, searching for an album on iTunes that will help me bear the mind-numbing Stairmaster workout.

SUDDEN DESIRE TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY A NEW INSTRUMENT.  8:15am – as I listen to a song from 1975; the last time I was in a bar band. (Check out my hair!!!)
SHIFTING SLEEP PATTERNS. 9:30am – as I consider taking a post workout nap.
A DESIRE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH DIFFERENT SETTINGS.  10am – as I wake from my post-workout nap and try to remember where I am and what year it is.
UPSET AT WHERE SOCIETY IS GOING.  10:15am – as I turn on the TV news and have to quickly turn it off again, before it plunges me into a depression.

DESIRING A SIMPLE LIFE.  10:30am – as I’m back in the office, trying to figure out why one of my agents is not getting my emails.
KEEP RE-ASKING YOURSELF: “WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY LIFE?”  11am – as I realize that I just deleted all my email settings in Microsoft Outlook.

There you have it!  It’s not even noon, and I’ve gone through all 13 SYMPTOMS OF A MID-LIFE CRISIS.  This afternoon I'll get to work on “11 SYMPTOMS YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT WITH TWINS”!