TEXTING IS THE GOLF OF COMMUNICATION / by Bo Gerard

 I hate texting, though I do it anyway.  It’s not because I can’t use the technology, or interface with the tiny keyboard, or because it’s a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean;  but because of what it has replaced.

1)  “The Visit” -  Seeing someone in person, and having a conversation over coffee or a meal.  Back in the old days, when humanoids were living in caves, you got off your rock and walked over to the next cave, to see how everybody was doing.  Maybe you even were offered a nice Mammoth burger.  In my youth, you got off your sofa and walked over to the neighbors and rang the bell, saying “just stopping in to say hello”.  And you never showed up without bringing a nice piece of pastry or some cookies.  This is an archaic mode of communication that has pretty much vanished from our lives.

2)  “The Letter” -  This was a big deal, because you would actually sit down and pick out some stationary, and hand write a message to someone.  This pre-Beatles mode of communication reflected on your education and upbringing.  It not only demonstrated your earnestness toward you’re the recipient, it also showed off your personal style and writing aplomb.   The letter was pretty much destroyed by the phone and other more recent modes of communication.

3)  “The Telephone Call” -  This was an adequate way of catching up, and you only called when you had time to talk a for a good long while.  Not as good as the face-to-face, but a close second.  This method is still being employed today, but continues to be hampered with multitasking activities, like driving, shopping or brain surgery.

4) “The Voicemail” -  Once a thing you were excited to listen to, it has now become the scourge of many smarty-mac-smartphone users, and if one is left on their phone it’s rarely listened to. 

5)  “The Email” -  What started out as a digital form of “The Letter” (see above), has morphed into a grammarless missive, that is as badly read as it is written.  But both the email and the voicemail have been conquered and subdued by …

Texting-Golf-FB.jpg

6)  “The Text” -  Texting is the golf of communication.  Let me explain.  Both golf and college wrestling are considered “sports”. But golf is about as far away from the up-close, in-your-face, skin-to-skin elements of college wrestling as you could imagine.  Texting is communicating, true; but its slangy, punctuation-less, emoji-full, rhetoric is about as far away from “The Visit” (see above) as you can get.  Yet this style-less jumble of jargon is increasingly becoming the preferred method of communication.  Not only by friends and business associates, but by doctors and utility companies as well.

So, yes, I text,  I HAVE to.  BUT I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE IT!  (I don’t have the energy to complain about Twitter right now.)