So, if you read last week’s blog you will remember that I was coming home from a rather odd gig, portraying a very realistic gorilla who abducts the hostess at a Halloween party for a rich guy on Long Island. If you want to read Part 1, so that you will have the full story, go ahead… I’ll wait for you. It’s just over to the top right. Click on it. You know you want to!
Ok, you’re back! On with the story. After the successful mock abduction, the client’s chauffer drives me and the gorilla costume (which is in a large, black trash bag) back to the city. I lived in Brooklyn Heights at the time, and he had to drive back to his boss’s house out on Long Island after he dropped me off. So, feeling sympathy for the working man I let him drop me off in Long Island City (Queens). I could jump on the G train and be home in 15 minutes. So, it’s a little after midnight at this point and I am sitting on a pretty deserted G train heading for home.
Having grown up in New York I possessed all of the trouble-spotting skills that NYC natives are often attributed with. My radar went off when I notice two guys walking past me and my garbage bag a few times. They would walk by, then stop at the end of the car for a while, then walk back and stop at the other end. After they did this 3 or 4 times the hairs went up on the back of my neck. The Puerto Rican gentleman seated to my right, noticing their predatory behavior, slid over to me quietly and said, “Hey man, I think these guys are going to rip you off!” I said to him “I think you’re right!” Then he said, “Don’t worry… I’ve got a knife”, and he partially brought out a very large and vary sharp looking knife from his jacket. Great! I’m not worried, because HE’S GOT A KNIFE!!!
Not feeling particularly safe seated next to my new friend and protector, I decided I needed to devise a plan of escape. I figured they were waiting for my stop to come and then they would mug me on the dark, empty platform. (Why they chose to mug me, a not so fancily dressed guy holding a large black trash bag, I still can’t figure out to this day). I had to think of a way to get off the train at my stop without THEM! Then it hit me. I had recently seen the film “Three Days of the Condor” and remembered a move from the film that could possibly work. My acting skills were finally going to pay off. The train was pulling into my stop, but I acted as if were just another stop. The doors opened and I sat slumped in my seat, blearily staring straight ahead. (SSP - Standard Subway Posture). The muffled overhead speaker announced “Watch the closing doors”, and as the doors were closing I bolted and just made it through with my bag. The would be muggers were caught totally by surprise. As the train pulled out of the station I watched them go by, standing up against a pair of door windows, with hatred in their eyes. I WAS SAFE!!!
But, fear is a strange thing my friends. As I triumphantly walked down the subway platform towards the stairs, my gluteus maximus quickly and completely froze solid, making walking very awkward (and quite hilarious, too). But hey, I am an actor, so I simply made a mental note to incorporate this walk the next time I was asked to portray a very realistic, hostess-stealing gorilla at a mansion on Long Island.